Just a girl who LOVES technology

Author: slang4 (Page 2 of 2)

Revision Strategy: Essay #2

My Learning Log

Sydney Lang

10-18-17

English 110 C

 

Revision Strategy for Essay #2

My Goal:

My goal for this essay it to refine my work and focus on removing the excessive words that interfere with the clarity of my essay. Also I feel that I need to work on specifying my thesis to make it more direct as to how the young mind both benefits and are harmed by the constant flow of technology.

Plan:

My plan to attack these goals and achieve them is to look at each paragraph individually and making sure it makes sense, and to limit the ‘fluff’ in it. I also plan to make an outline so I can see what the structure of the essay looks like– without the distraction of quotes, analysis, ‘fluff’, etc. This will allow me to see where I need to clear up my fighting points and where I need to work on tying all of the supporting and body paragraphs together. I could also use the paragraph editing style by removing the unnecessary words. By using the Klinkenborg method, it will encourage me to vary my sentence structure and manage the use of unnecessary words that distract from the purpose and topic of the phrase.   

Obstacles:

The obstacles that I might face when I am trying to achieve my goal could include my tendency to overanalyze. To overcome this– I would need to identify what the most vital analysis I drew from the texts, and keep that remove everything else. Another obstacle is my tendency to use run-on sentences which often leads to lengthy paragraphs.  

 

Klinkinborg

Sydney Lang

10-18-17

 

Paragraph Revision:

Cleaning up a ‘Wordy’ Document

 

Before:

 

Attention Deficit Disorder and Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder, or ADD and ADHD for short, can both benefit a young individual’s mind and be detrimental to it. With the presence of the conditions of ADD and ADHD, these both contribute to strengthening young minds as these mental conditions promote frequent distraction and the inability to remain concentrated for long periods of time. For example, Anderson mentioned how the individual benefits within the working environment as culture has “forced us into a kind of elective ADHD”(Anderson 5). This ‘elective form’ of ADHD strengthens the growing individual’s mind as they are learning to perform in a manner that benefits them the most, especially within a working environment. Ultimately every individual is working towards success and that often correlates to being successful within whatever job they currently obtain or are striving to achieve. The ability to thrive in working environments with this ‘elective form’ could put them ahead of other candidates, and could benefit them by getting them the job over another individual that does not share these ADHD qualities within the working environment. On the contrary, this ADD and ADHD also weakens the individual’s mindset as ADD/ADHD creates individuals that do not have the mental patience for the time to complete their thoughts, or listen to others convey theirs to them. As Restak mentioned in his essay Attention Deficit: The Brain Syndrome of Our Era, “You must learn to rapidly process information, function amidst surroundings your parents would have described as “chaotic,” always remain prepared to rapidly shift from one activity to another, and redirect your attention among competing tasks without becoming bogged down or losing time,” all of these urgent tasks were once defined as being ‘chaotic’ but are now simply expected of individuals in the workspace. This chaotic nature could result in raised stress for those that are not as equipped as naturally for ADD and ADHD-like behavior. This behavior could be severely detrimental to those that have strengths in focusing on one task or on the task at hand, causing these individuals to fall behind. Both of these ideas working together come to show how ADD and ADHD is present in today’s environments and how they can both benefit and be detrimental to those whose minds are learning and growing.

 

After:

Attention Deficit Disorder and Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder, or ADD and ADHD for short, can both benefit a young individual’s mind and be detrimental to it. With the presence of ADD and ADHD, they contribute to strengthening young minds. As these mental conditions promote frequent distraction and the inability to remain concentrated for long periods of time, they teeter between being beneficial or detrimental to the young mind. For example, Sam Anderson, a writer for New York Times Magazine,  mentioned how the individual benefits within the working environment as culture has “forced us into a kind of elective ADHD”(Anderson 5). This ‘elective form’ of ADHD strengthens the growing individual’s mind as they are learning to properly perform. This prepares them for working environments. The ability to thrive in working environments with this ‘elective form’ could put them ahead of other candidates by getting them the job over another individual that does not share these ADHD qualities. On the contrary, ADD and ADHD weakens the young mind’s mindset as ADD/ADHD creates individuals that do not have the mental patience to complete their thoughts, or listen to others convey theirs. As Richard Restak, a neurologist, neuropsychiatrist, author and professor, mentioned in his essay Attention Deficit: The Brain Syndrome of Our Era, “You must learn to rapidly process information, function amidst surroundings your parents would have described as “chaotic,” always remain prepared to rapidly shift from one activity to another, and redirect your attention among competing tasks without becoming bogged down or losing time.” These urgent tasks were once defined as ‘chaotic’ but are now expected of individuals in the workspace. This chaotic nature could result in increased stress for those that are not equipped naturally with ADD or ADHD-like behavior. This behavior could be severely detrimental to those that have strengths in focusing causing these individuals to be at an unnatural disadvantage. Both of these ideas working together come to show how ADD and ADHD is present in today’s environments and how they can both benefit and be detrimental to those whose minds are learning and growing.

Framing Statement

Throughout the process of reading the most recent text, Sam Anderson’s “In Defense of Distraction,” as I was reading I found myself noting the similarities that this text had to the other pieces of literature that we have read so far, including Robin Marantz Henig’s “What Is It About 20-Somethings?”, listening to Thomas King’s Ted talk “Adults We need To Have The Talk”, and Richard Restak’s “Attention Deficit: The Brain Syndrome of Our Era.” All of these pieces share many common threads that are woven throughout them. Many shared the idea of how this new mindset will affect future generations. Others focused on the division of attention, and how multitasking is really just a ‘made-up’ legend. Some had similarities in who they referenced. In other cases they had similar themes, whether it was the topics themselves that were in common or the research approach, there were definitely overlaps between the pieces of work. In conclusion, even though all of  these authors had the intention of sharing  completely new perspectives with the world, they all managed to do so in a similar manner.     

 

First Blog Post

My first impression of Eportfolio, was that it was going to be an equivalent of an online folder, where we would just drop our drafts. I personally am a fan of paper copies of work, because I like to see the work progressing in a tangible copy. I also would not identify as an individual that is ‘technologically inclined,’ so I find this transition a little bit more frustrating rather beneficial.

Even though this is a difficult transition, a possible benefit that I could see from using Eportfolio, would be that it is an easy platform for teachers to view my work and its progression. Also, my peers can view my work to compare it to their own, and possibly give me constructive comments. So, in conclusion, Eportfolio has the potential to benefit me, but as of now, I am still figuring out how it works.

About Me

Hello, I am Sydney Lang. I was born in the city of Worcester, Massachusetts, and grew up in Massachusetts and in California. My family is pretty cool, my parents, Bobbi and Jim, are pretty chill, and so is my older brother Mitch. Within our small town of Paxton, we often see my aunt, Bev, and Uncle Billy, and their daughter Catherine. Living in such a small town I grew very close with many of the individuals that I would call my ‘best friends’ today. In high school, I was very involved with athletics, Track and Field and Cross Country, in the Arts, National Art Honors Society, community service, Glamor Gals, National Honors Society, and Leo’s Club, etc. So, it’s safe to say that I like to be a busy person. Now as a freshman at the University of New England, I have already participated in the UNE Day of Service, and am President of the Surf Club. With all of these groups and clubs balancing with academics, I make sure to find time to hang out with friends, socialize, and have fun.      

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